The Crazy Wind'n'Sea Guy

When I come back to San Diego, I call my friend and ex-roommate, Kerry, to see if she would let me park near her pad. Her studio is in Wind’n’Sea, La Jolla area. Kerry’s house has a side yard that is the PERFECT size for my RV, tucked away, on a quiet alley. Gatita can play all night and I can live in Kerry’s studio while she’s on vacation for a week. I can hear the ocean from there, there’s a big plush bed, and a shower! The things dreams are made of. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it? And it was, for a night, and part of an afternoon, I guess. Story of my life, there’s always a take with a give. One step forward, 2 steps back.

 Kerry’s has neighbors, Mike and Beige. Very nice couple, 2 dogs, clean house, winos and weedies. I meet them the first night I arrive, great talks, good vibes, lots of wine. I get Kate’s car for weeks at a time, but every once in a while she comes home and needs it for a few days leaving me car less…how dare she! And I can’t take the Car2Go because I’m not in the operating area and God knows how much a 3 hour trip will add up to. So the next day, I ask Mike for a ride to my promo job out in El Cajon. I do little promo gigs here and there, passing out flyers, or cheese, or trying to get people to buy designer vodka, whatever these companies want. They send attractive girls to mini marts and liquor stores to promote their liquor, I’m sure you’ve seen broads like us out there. I have to stand there and look pretty, and try to sell people liquor; could be a harder job. 

So this guy, Mike, says he’ll take me, sure no problem! Just gotta throw him some gas money. Halfway there he starts like rubbing up on my leg and shit and weirdly asking and re-asking and re-asking for directions and “where are we going” and what the hell am I doing out here anyway. “You can’t just be going out here for $80.” “Tell me the truth, what’s the real reason, you’re going out here?!” So now, he’s called me a liar and a prostitute. And I hate him. He makes me send the promo guy a text message saying I’m not going to go there, that he’d rather just pay me $80 to go back to La Jolla to hang out. I’m livid, actually to the point of shaking and crying, I ask him to take me to my friend’s house. On the way to Kate’s, he keeps asking me if I’m going to have him shot. I wish that were the case. At least I wouldn’t have to listen to his stupid lisp and your idiotic mouth ever again. We get to Amy and Kate’s house and I go to get out, thanking him very much for the, here’s $10 for gas, and thanks for fucking me out of $80, asshole. He then proceeds to tell me that if I get out of the car, he’s going to have my RV towed by the morning. Oh and why cant we go back to being friends? “Lets just go back to how it was! Lets be friends!” He says. What?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You want me to be friends with you, after you’ve insulted me and screwed me out of money?! Now you’re bribing me to hang out with you?! Go to hell, motherfucker! Or better yet, why don’t you come in, asshole, have a drink with my friends, let’s just see how awkward we can make this.

I get in the house and immediately call Kerry and tell her what’s up, that her lunatic neighbor has hijacked me and I want to punch him in the kidneys…repeatedly. She gets on the phone and tells him to quit being an asshole. He gets off the phone with him and asks me if I really thought he was seriously going to do that. Why yes, yes I did…I don’t know you and I’m parking on your driveway. Finally leaves, saying he doesn’t want to be “that guy” anymore. Wow, too late, buddy.

The rest of the 2 weeks that I stay there, it’s weird and awkward and I barely even stay there for more than a few hours. I’m either at work, working out, or out with friends. And when I  do walk by to go to Kerry’s studio, he screams shit at me, like “Stop looking at us MAAASSSHHAAA”

So I’m out $90 and 2 bottles of wine that Kerry and he drank before she left for vacation. Thanks assholes, I was better off with Car2Go. I sincerely hope that idiot was drunk or high or just mentally handicapped. Because I can’t imagine a person saying the shit he was saying to be of average mental capabilities. Crazy thing is his girlfriend is super cool and smart, way to smart to be with him. But who really knows, she might be bat-shit crazy too. Or maybe that’s why she’s with him, to have a dumb little puppy of a man around to do whatever you want for them. Maybe I should get me one of those…do my bidding, peasant!  Either way, lesson learned…don’t ask for rides from strangers.