Parking the Beast

I met a guy named Anthony at a festival back in April and we get to chatting on the dance floor. After he learned my name he was very eager to tell me about his ex-girlfriend named Masha also…”Masha Trivian”, sever times. I politely smiled and nodded and carried on to other dancers. But he kept on returning and asking little questions here and there, “Who do you know here, where are you from, where do you live now?” So I threw it out there….”I live in an RV, soooo I live, everywhere, anywhere I want.” This is always a fun thing to say to guys. They seem to love it, because it A. shows that I am an adventurous fun girl and B. I don’t like commitment, so they’re not afraid of me becoming a stage 5 clinger. Because, shit, I can’t even commit to an address, let alone a man! So after I told him this, he asked me where I park it. Anywhere really…why? Turns out he has a backyard/driveway/lawn and if I wanted to take him up on this offer, I could pay a little bit of rent and park and live. At first I was hesitant, because he wanted at least 3 months and even that was too much of a commitment for me. So I backed off and gypsied about town for a while longer. But then I got tired. The cost of gas is crazy, and not being able to plug in my refrigerator, is beginning to get costly as well. Going out all the time is also not good for the waste line.

            So I took Anthony up on his offer. I would have a nice fenced in place to park, a laundry room, electricity, water and WIFI. Gatita has a big area to roam in and if I REALLY need to take a shower in the house, some days I could. I have a gym at work and a shower there, as well as the yoga studio. So if I want a shower I have to workout. Which is doing WONDERS for my waist line J

            While at Anthony’s my adventures have home to a halt unfortunately, as my only adventure now, is my weekly visit to the RV dump. And even that is challenging sometimes, since my battery dies all the from under use. Sadly my time has been filled with tedious stuff like work, and looking for more and better work and car repairs, that traveling had to be put on the back burner. I have come use my free time for decorating and beautifying the interior of my little toaster. I’ve painted the ceiling and made a mirror mosaic. I have put a lot of effort into making it as cozy as possible and I must say, it’s come along nicely. I even have an outside bathtub that could potentially be more than just a decorative piece. I’ve always wanted an outside bathtub….ah, a girl can dream. 

Mini Melt Down

Now that I had a car, and could move around easier, I figured RV living would now become a piece of cake. I would park my RV here and there, preferably by the beach, but sometimes near the city, wherever was convenient. Then I’d drive my car around to drive errands, then come back and park as close as I could to my mobile home. I had a few run-ins with the law around this time. Apparently it’s illegal to sleep in city streets. Who knew? I see thousands of RVs parked on streets all the time, many of them in the same spots, or just around the corner. They can’t all be waiting to go camping for the weekend. I probably made the mistake of leaving my curtains open, for all to see my bed. Plus I have this mangy cat that has made herself a kitty door, out the crack in the window. Who also likes to chase birds, which causes the birds to crow, and then the neighbor dog sees all this excitement and starts to bark, and then the other dog joins in, and then another. And then the neighbor lady calls the cops and blames the commotion on the dirty hippy van parked in front of her house. I’ve gotten a nice cop knock on my door at 6am and tell me to pull around the corner. I got a not so nice cop do the same thing, in harsher words. I also got a note on my door, telling me this was my first and only warning and next time I would be cited or towed. So I got nervous and moved back to the beach, because I never had any trouble there.

            I was still working 2 jobs and hating Sammy’s and they hated me and I had no time to myself and blah! I sort of had a little mini melt down. One of several. I came home, tired, hungry to my kitten, always cheerful and loving to see me. The juice was starting to run out of my battery and my lights were dimming. I have candles, no biggy…but no lighter, just some damp matches. Then I go to wash my hands, and my water is running out. L I realized also that I need electricity to charge my phone and WIFI to get on the internet and going to Starbucks everyday is starting to get expensive. And laundry, I have to do laundry now with this stupid waiting job. Office jobs don’t get your clothes dirty; you can wear them for weeks. I normally went to the house in PB to do my laundry, but it was getting to be a hassle driving all the way out there and the roommate relations where becoming…strained. So I had a little panic attack, cried to my kitty, and to who ever else was in ear shot to me. Even called my ex boyfriend in Costa Rica, who invited me to come back to live the simple life, in the jungle. And I almost thought about it. But then realized that I would be bored in 2 weeks and jungle life wasn’t for me. Thank God I have some amazing friends that were there and willing for me to come over, take a shower and recharge my RV, do some laundry and recuperate my body and soul. I would be ok for a few more weeks.

            I had had enough. Too much moving around, too much stress, too much worry about where I was going to park, what was going to break next and whether I was going to have enough money to fix it. I was having too much trouble and not enough adventure. I was wasting too much money on food, since I couldn't plug my fridge in. I had to go to the library to go on the internet, or friend’s houses which weren't always available. Showers became interesting too. I either have to take a shower at work, typically after I work out in the little gym they have. Or I go to yoga, and take a shower there afterwards. Either way, I have to work out in order to take a shower. So I've definitely lost some of that Costa Rican weight I put on. I also can’t hold food very long. I only buy what doesn't need refrigeration, or if I do, I get enough for 2 meals. And make sure I portion it out accordingly. The poor RV girl diet is working!!

            Needless to say these were some trying times…many nights found myself questioning why I even got this stupid thing in the first place. Was it even worth it? But you live, you learn and you figure it out. That’s exactly what I did, and had some very interesting experiences because of it.

Car Shopping

         When I came back from seeing my family in Ohio, I had 3 days, well like 2 and a half, to find and buy a car for under $1600. Plus I was working still at Sammy’s at night and don’t know shit about cars. I also don’t have a car to go test drive cars, so I have to relay on my car2go gizmo, or friends to get me around. I start my new job at the insurance company on Monday, so I have something to get to work in. I mean, theoretically, I could still use my RV to get from here to there, but it’s a pain in the ass to drive, especially during morning rush hour traffic. I'd have to leave at 6am to get there by 8.

         I get home Thursday afternoon and get to Criagslisting. Thank God my friend Kate is willing to drive me around to check out a few cars that evening. And what gems, they are. The first one we see is classy, navy blue 1990 Cadillac Cupe de'Ville. I wasn't originally going for that one, but the car I saw online was a stick shift and I'm not that cool yet, that I know how to drive one of those. So the kind salesman gave him the keys to his very own car and told me to test drive that one in stead. They're ALL for sale! I'm pretty sure the fine gentleman selling these cars stole them, or had someone else steel them. And is now reselling to poor little girls like me. He looked, talked and dressed like Kat Williams, and hilarious as he was, I was not sold on the Caddy. Pimpin, since been pimpin, since been pimpin.... He did smoke a blunt with us and gave us lots of compliments, so that was special.

          The next few cars were old, or made some weird noises or just weren't my style.  Friday was go-time. I have several appointments made with several car sellers. I have my car2go and I have Sarah and her boy Nick, my car advisers to assist me. As I’m checking the logistics on where I’m going, I realize my car2go limit was going to get used up pretty quickly and I’d be running all over the city, and out of the operating area. So Im better off getting myself a rental. They had a weekend special, so I snagged it and traveled in style for the next 72 hours. AC and everything!

          Nick proved to be a wonderful help in assessing cars for me. Even in his hungover state.  He didn't just judge them by the color…like I did. He asked the right questions, did all the talking. Told me what to say, what not to say, stop being so ditsy and a little less naive. He explained to me how to toughen up my response and reactions as to not appear so desperate and even took over in Spanish when necessary.  After looking at 3 cars, we were tired and ready to quit this game. While we were talking to a potential seller, there was a guy working on him truck nearby. This guy thankfully was eavesdropping and also has a thing for curvy Russians, because, he interjected so we didn't buy a lemon as well as offered his mechanical services to me to look at other cars, as well as help work on my RV. We exchanged numbers, and a new mechanic friend was born.

           I couldn't use Nick the following day, cause apparently he wanted to spend quality alone time with Sarah, bladdity bladdity blah. So I call my new mechanic buddy to come with me to scope out some other cars. I schedule an appointment for a Hyundai Sonata, and they guy has a heavy Russian accent, so immediately I’m excited. Bring me a fellow Rusky any day, and we’ll talk business. I go pick up Travis the mechanic, and on the way there we get to know each other a little. Turns out, he lives in the truck he was fixing. He used to have a meth prob, but hes all good now…rrriiiiggghhtttt. He's also race car driver apparently, and knows how to rebuild carburetor in exchange for beer and or cookies. Sounds like a winner!

            We get to the shop, and test drive the car. Seems to be running in tip top shape.  The Russians immediately love me (and hate him) offer me some beer, or vodka, or to go out dancing to celebrate my new car. The next day, I come pay half and drive off in my new shiny, and pay the rest the next day. But before I do, this little mechanic boy manages to steal keys to a Jetta they are working on and offers to sell them weed. So far I haven't been linked to it, and I don't think it ever will be. But that’s when I decide maybe he’s not going to know where my RV is, or fix my carburetor, that little, shit. So now I've got my fancy little silver bullet and now my life is complete…well almost...still need to find a shower.

Down time, Observations and Ohio

Picking the alternative lifestyle of living in an RV may sound crazy, but to me, it just sort of fit. I came back to America with no possessions except some clothes, a cat, and a dream to keep travelling. Life on the road has always seemed home to me. There’s a certain adventure or even a slight fear about driving around not really knowing where you’re going to stay that night. So far, my plan has been to sleep where it’s convenient for the next morning. Or if a friend has a free parking spot in their yard, so I can hook everything up. But if I don’t have to wake up early, I’ll try to go somewhere the kitty can run around and play for a little bit. She needs the outdoors, but I also don’t want to open the door into a busy neighborhood. People tell me I’m brave and ask me what kind of protection I have…and to be honest, I’ve never felt in danger, and I have a hammer, locks on my doors, a fire extinguisher, as well as a vicious guard cat. I’m not brave; I’m just low maintenance, carefree and slightly bored. RV living is perfect for me right now, and manifesting itself into something great. Sure there are hurdles here and there, but I am blessed with friendly faces and family at every turn. I am loved and cared for. What more could a girl ask for? I have an adorable kitten companion; I have work coming in and I've made progress on fixing up the little toaster. People are so willing to help and rescue poor little RV girl. Strangers offer me showers, to plug in my electricity, even bikes. It’s so incredible the love I feel from people. And granted they might just feel sorry for me. It’s OK, Ill take it. I’m surviving. Trying to save a penny here and there, and live the dream for as long as I can.

Of course none of this would be possible if I didn’t have a loving support system or family and friends, friends that have become family and new friends that I make along the way everywhere I turn. So before I start working and shutting myself off from the world, its time to go check in with the fam.

My parents and grandparents all still live in good ol’Toledo, OH. Where I was brought to at the age of 5 from Russia and decided at the age of 8 that I was leaving. It's become a sad and pitiful little town, worse each time I go back. Businesses closing left and right, crime rate increases, the rate of people moving out of there is higher than babies being born. Plus its super hot in the summer and super cold in the winter. Sounds magical doesn’t it? 90% of my friends have moved either out of state or city, and the only people I have left to visit remain my family. I check in once a year. This time, after living in Costa Rica, and then going straight back to San Diego, it was time for me to 'pass go, and collect my $200'….$2000 in my case, because I’m a spoiled little brat that needs help getting back on her feet…again. Thanks mama and papa! 

My visit was much needed and perfectly timed. It gave me some much needed grounding stability, a couple tears of joy, some tears of sadness, and enough money to get back and buy myself a commuter car. I needed a fresh start…and a hug from my mommy. So I dropped off Gatita at another sitter, packed my bags and got on the next flight to Detroit (Toledo's big ghetto brother 45 min to the north) and went home for a visit with my tail between my legs.

Back to the Job Hunt

The end of LIB marked the end of fun and the beginning of getting back into the grind. The Greenpeace gig sucked, and I quit after a week. Moved my RV the hell out of Wind n Sea. and after a good house cleaning, vacuuming and hiding out from the party world, it was time to start looking for a real job. Time to make back some of those pennies I spent. So I started doing what every does…updated my resume and started calling an any and all of my connections near and far, old bosses, old frienaemies, co-workers, people I haven’t talked to for years.

I quit my cubicle desk job, sold my car and moved to Costa Rica a year ago, and was dreading going back to life at the office. So I decided to go to my fall back plan and be a waitress. I haven’t waitressed, or what they now refer to as “serving” to be politically correct since I was 22…but my fresh new resume says otherwise. My lovely friend Sarah, says “Just lie, everyone does it, put me down as a reference she say I was your manager, they’ll never know.” “Fake it till you make it” She said. Ya, well if they didn’t know when they hired me, they sure did figure out it.                                                                                                      

 After a ton of interviews, call backs, and no thank yous, I finally got hired on at Sammy’s; super corporate, not for easy-going, Sammy’s Woodfire Grill. They make you learn the whole menu, take tests on all of the ingredients, memorize everything, bus, serve and seat people, and close and open the place, AND have time to polish silverware. Who do these people think we are? Machines?! Slaves?! Needless to say, I didn’t last very long. And they first suspended me for being late (cause I couldn't find parking Downtown on ComicCon) then the day I was supposed to come back, I was “let go” for not being a good fit.

Good riddance, Charlie. I hated that place. So I reached out to other areas I thought I might be good at. Teaching English as a second language, tutoring, substitute teacher, yoga instructor, Zumba, Pilates, kids swim couch, making sandwiches, even baby-sitting. I applied to grocery stores, the YMCA, dog-walking, pet-sitting, house-sitting, flight attendant, working on a cruise ship, anything and everything Craigslist had to offer. I still get called out promo gigs here and there…but now I drive myself to them myself.

For a month I job hunted…go to interviews and staffing agencies in my RV. Here I am, Kelly Services…prepared for duty! Oh am I not dressed professionally? Give me just a second, I brought my whole closet…and my cat, wanna meet her? I move around every few days, relay on friends to shower and eat very minimally. Its cool, those Costa Rica beans and rice sure didn't miss me...so I could stand to loss a few lbs. Sadly I have to revert to the tried and true desk/job/office admin role that I loath so much. But, shit, that’s my entire resume has anymore and clearly, I wasn't fit for a server thing anymore. Plus who can keep that schedule?! I want my evenings and weekends free, thank you very much. I’m spoiled and I have needs, damnit. Plus I'm getting old and I get sleepy by 11, I can't be closing a restaurant at midnight anymore. 

I finally land a silly little desk job at an insurance company. Part-time admin, so theoretically I could still work evenings and weekends to make ends meet. The job, however is out in Torrey Pines area, no where near a bus stop and sure as hell out of the car2go zone. This could only mean one thing…I need a car. 

The Crazy Wind'n'Sea Guy

When I come back to San Diego, I call my friend and ex-roommate, Kerry, to see if she would let me park near her pad. Her studio is in Wind’n’Sea, La Jolla area. Kerry’s house has a side yard that is the PERFECT size for my RV, tucked away, on a quiet alley. Gatita can play all night and I can live in Kerry’s studio while she’s on vacation for a week. I can hear the ocean from there, there’s a big plush bed, and a shower! The things dreams are made of. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it? And it was, for a night, and part of an afternoon, I guess. Story of my life, there’s always a take with a give. One step forward, 2 steps back.

 Kerry’s has neighbors, Mike and Beige. Very nice couple, 2 dogs, clean house, winos and weedies. I meet them the first night I arrive, great talks, good vibes, lots of wine. I get Kate’s car for weeks at a time, but every once in a while she comes home and needs it for a few days leaving me car less…how dare she! And I can’t take the Car2Go because I’m not in the operating area and God knows how much a 3 hour trip will add up to. So the next day, I ask Mike for a ride to my promo job out in El Cajon. I do little promo gigs here and there, passing out flyers, or cheese, or trying to get people to buy designer vodka, whatever these companies want. They send attractive girls to mini marts and liquor stores to promote their liquor, I’m sure you’ve seen broads like us out there. I have to stand there and look pretty, and try to sell people liquor; could be a harder job. 

So this guy, Mike, says he’ll take me, sure no problem! Just gotta throw him some gas money. Halfway there he starts like rubbing up on my leg and shit and weirdly asking and re-asking and re-asking for directions and “where are we going” and what the hell am I doing out here anyway. “You can’t just be going out here for $80.” “Tell me the truth, what’s the real reason, you’re going out here?!” So now, he’s called me a liar and a prostitute. And I hate him. He makes me send the promo guy a text message saying I’m not going to go there, that he’d rather just pay me $80 to go back to La Jolla to hang out. I’m livid, actually to the point of shaking and crying, I ask him to take me to my friend’s house. On the way to Kate’s, he keeps asking me if I’m going to have him shot. I wish that were the case. At least I wouldn’t have to listen to his stupid lisp and your idiotic mouth ever again. We get to Amy and Kate’s house and I go to get out, thanking him very much for the, here’s $10 for gas, and thanks for fucking me out of $80, asshole. He then proceeds to tell me that if I get out of the car, he’s going to have my RV towed by the morning. Oh and why cant we go back to being friends? “Lets just go back to how it was! Lets be friends!” He says. What?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You want me to be friends with you, after you’ve insulted me and screwed me out of money?! Now you’re bribing me to hang out with you?! Go to hell, motherfucker! Or better yet, why don’t you come in, asshole, have a drink with my friends, let’s just see how awkward we can make this.

I get in the house and immediately call Kerry and tell her what’s up, that her lunatic neighbor has hijacked me and I want to punch him in the kidneys…repeatedly. She gets on the phone and tells him to quit being an asshole. He gets off the phone with him and asks me if I really thought he was seriously going to do that. Why yes, yes I did…I don’t know you and I’m parking on your driveway. Finally leaves, saying he doesn’t want to be “that guy” anymore. Wow, too late, buddy.

The rest of the 2 weeks that I stay there, it’s weird and awkward and I barely even stay there for more than a few hours. I’m either at work, working out, or out with friends. And when I  do walk by to go to Kerry’s studio, he screams shit at me, like “Stop looking at us MAAASSSHHAAA”

So I’m out $90 and 2 bottles of wine that Kerry and he drank before she left for vacation. Thanks assholes, I was better off with Car2Go. I sincerely hope that idiot was drunk or high or just mentally handicapped. Because I can’t imagine a person saying the shit he was saying to be of average mental capabilities. Crazy thing is his girlfriend is super cool and smart, way to smart to be with him. But who really knows, she might be bat-shit crazy too. Or maybe that’s why she’s with him, to have a dumb little puppy of a man around to do whatever you want for them. Maybe I should get me one of those…do my bidding, peasant!  Either way, lesson learned…don’t ask for rides from strangers. 

Festivus Part Deux

The trip to Joshua tree was interesting, as any trip in the toaster. After we set sail from LAX it was smooth sailing, mostly. Being in LA during rush hour, which is really like, every hour, we decide to kill some time and go shopping for supplies. We load up on champagne and juice, straws, chips and dip, various kinds of liquor, beef jerky, hummus and veggies, the usual festival shopping list and make our way, chatting, and getting to know each other, straining to hear the music. We get to a pocket of traffic and the RV stalls out in the middle of the highway. Now normally it does this after being off all night, and if I’m going up a hill, or stopped at a red light. But this was on the highway at like 5:45PM on a Friday going like 10mph. This was weird. Thank god it started, otherwise, I would have been a very unpopular girl in LA. So we drive a bit more until we see a SUPERtarget and decide to give the RV a break and go shop for some speakers. When we go to leave, the RV doesn’t start. Weird. So we call AAA as, they are on my favorites list, I call them about once a month. They come out and try to jump it, nothing. Salah has the bright idea to ‘jiggle the wire’ yes, that’s right, I said it. That magically did the trick and we were on our way again. We arrive at night and just set up wherever we choose…with hookups. The winds out in the desert were so crazy, it felt like we would blow away. And in the morning we are told to vacate because we did not pay for an RV spot. But we were here and alive, so its all good, we don't need your stinking hookups anyway! 

I was to work at the Coffee Jojo, making frozen coffees 4 hours each day of the festival. I met so many awesome people, heard some great music, watched a solar eclipse in the Joshua Tree incredible “desertness” and think I actually broke even on tips from the coffee job! We made friends with a whole burner community, and they kind of adopted Salah and I the whole weekend. The boy child, we’ll call K, developed a crush on Miss Masha. Little did he know I was more excited about being friends with his mom, Wendy. But it was so great to be loved by their whole crew that I didn't mind.

After the festival we decide to drive into the desert to check out the national park. It was stupid hot out there and by the time we got to about 3000 level elevation, Big Bessy wasn’t doing so good. It was making a weird gurgling noise, so we pulled over and turned it off…and the gurgling noise continued. It turned out to be the coolant, boiling out. Ya, it got THAT hot. We walked around a little, saw some jack rabbits and then turned the RV around and coasted back down.

I take Salah to Redlands and carried myself on to Crestline to see a friend, for what I thought was only going to be a day. But as I climbed that mountain, the RV started to putter out at 3000ft elevation, again. I pulled off the road to a call box only to see that my coolant was doing the same thing it did in the desert. While I’m on the phone with the dispatch, the sweetest old man, pulls over to try to help me, sees that I’m alone and refuses to leave until AAA or my friends arrive, saying that his daughter was attacked once when her car broke down and he couldn’t let that happen to me. I must have a giant sign on my head that says “help me, I’m a dump little girl that bought this thing cause it was silver”. If I don't, maybe I should, because people always want to come to my rescue. And believe me, its much appreciated, because I am a dumb little girl that bought this thing because it was silver.

My friends finally came to rescue me, and I could relieve the good samaritan of his duties. Then AAA tows me up the rest of the mountain. Hey, at least I saved on gas! The next day I was supposed to drive to LA and then Santa Barbara and then to Irvine for Lightning in a Bottle. Now that’s just crazy-talk. That’s a lot of driving in a normal car, let alone my hoop-tee. So I take a much needed rest for a few days in the mountains and decompress from festy #2.                                   

The way back down the mountain was breathtaking. I basically coasted the whole way down jaw open taking in the mountains and all their magesty. All I was missing was my little Gatita on the dash looking out the window. I got into town for a bit to eat and I while I was sitting there, chewing on a burger, killing time, I get a phone call from my friend Blayne who informs me that his friend Adam has a house in Irvine (20 min away from where I’m sitting). Perfect!!! There's that weird universe thing again. I call him, meet up and get a hot shower and some much needed rest before LIB. Oh, and Adam turned out to be pretty cool too.

We get to the gates at like 9:30am, before the ticket gates are on sale, before anyone is allowed to get in, just volunteers and eager hippies chilling in a parking lot. So we do what any festival goers would do and start decorating, painting, getting costumes together and of course having a few mimosas.

LIB was incredible. Like being home after being away in a different country for a year…kind of exactly like that actually! Beautiful faces, excellent music, dancing and merrymaking. But then, just like that, it was all over and it was time to go home and back to reality.